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3/12/14....THURSDAY, 12:11 p.m.

A year later, and here I am. I just reread what I wrote, the aforementioned---->ME. I haven't quite gotten there yet. I think that my strengths, patience, AND weaknesses have been tested to the nth degree. I *feel* a lot. Comes out haphazardly. Gotten up pretty haphazardly too, and I keep going. Irritated by my pent up  feelings, not so much against a target as against my feeling PERIOD. Cowardly?... Probably. Dealing with it, though. How do you overcome losses? Even perceived ones? I don't cry. Can't cry? Won't cry is more like it. I'm stubborn. I think I need to do
some vocabulary re eval. Redefine Stubbornness, bullheaded, PROUD, and redefine me as compassionate and loving, kind, intelligent, and strong but weak too. There is strength in weakness always. Innately, i know that. Inherently, I *k/NO!/w* that.  I want to keep writing, I miss it a lot. My blanky. Yeah, I definitely need to nurture myself, spoil myself as opposed to maiming myself by not FEELING or refusing to FEEL. Then I don't heal. I need to do this. Period.

 

 

3/12/14...3:53 p.m.

(Thursday)

 

Porque Quiero Estar Tranquila:

 

Estoy inquieta. Me duele la cabeza y sigo pensando en el. Me gusta escribir porque puedo respirar cuando escribo. Me duele tener que dudar de mi. Anhelo a estar tranquila todo el tiempo y a poder dormir en paz, sin distracciones, sin terror. Me quiero desahogar, pero no se como. Escribo y me siento mejor. Dolor de cabeza me dan los demas, siempre me molestan.

 

 

*Vocab.*:

*mercurial

*onerous

*abeyance

*adverse

*stubborn

*bullheaded

*vulnerability

*vulnerable

*anger

*Rage

*resentment (bad people towards)

*LOVE (good people, *Chris*)

*admiration

*self-esteem

*self-conscious

*respect

*rekindle

*kindred spirits

*frailty

*manic

*sad

*mourning/loss

*hate/hatred

*soul

*soulmate

*friendship

*Romance